Witty Quotes
| December 20, 2010 | Posted by quote under Funny Quotes |
Read witty quotes and sayings to put a smile on your friends face. These witty quotes will make you laugh out loud.
“In the end, the tables will turn. I’ll get the money and the last laugh!”
“I’m not a slave, or your little puppet. I have a voice and if you want to succeed, you’ll listen to me.”
“I’ll make you spill your secrets with only a smile.”
“It won’t be long until you realize you are just a puppet on strings.”
“Get rid of your tears and red in your eyes. Let others find comfort in your plastic smiles.”
“Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.”
“Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.”
“You can’t be late until you show up.”
“The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.”
“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.”
“War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.”
“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”
“We can forgive those who bore us. We cannot forgive those whom we bore.”
“Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.”
“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”
“I can resist everything except temptation.”
“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
“Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.”
“Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.”
“The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.”
“As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools.”
“Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.”
“You never learn anything by doing it right.”
“Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.”
“Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.”
“It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.”
“If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.”
“Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.”
“I once prayed to god for a car, but quickly found out he didnt work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness”
“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
“He’s so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund.”
“Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper.”
“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.”
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